Wedding Shinanigans
If there was anything other than my wedding day I looked forward to, it was my wedding night. I had dreamt of that night a trillion times, I couldn't wait to live it.
Dreaming of it was the most I could do as Deji and I had decided to wait till our wedding night to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, so the thought of losing it on my wedding night was exhilarating to me. I was very happy that I was going to be his first and most certainly his last.
During our courtship, apart from our counselling sessions, we hardly broached on the topic of sex. I believed Deji was afraid of erupting any sexual feelings whatsoever so I didn't bother bringing it up either.
The fact that we were both chaste was good enough for me and our parents were proud of us!
The day had finally come and I was more than glad. It was my wedding day.
The stress of planning it had taken its toll on me that I couldn't wait for it to be over. As the pastor read us our wedding vows, I was disconcerted.
I wished he'd just carry on with it shaperly so we could get to the action part. I was getting tired of all this migmarolling.
I looked over at Deji as he recited his vows. I wondered if he was feeling the same way I was. When it got to my turn to recite the vows, I hurriedly said them hardly waiting for the pastor to finish each sentence. I smiled as he put the ring on my finger.
We went ahead to fill our registry details along with our witnesses. Then the time came for the first action.
As soon as I heard "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may......" My heart started to pump blood faster to my entire system. It was going to be our first kiss.
Oh how I have dreamt of this moment as I had mostly seen in movies where the bride is swept off her feet by the groom as they're both transfixed in another realm and time.....Snap! Come back to reality babe.
Now it was my turn
I watched as Deji gently uncovered the veil I had on, taking his time to pull it backwards.
Why all this time wasting I thought, I thought he would be as furious as I was and go for it. Then all of a sudden, I saw him step back..... then the trickling sounds of laughter from the guests followed.
He was not only shy, I could see he was nervous.
At this point I wouldn't have minded taking the bull by the horn and going for the kiss but looking over at the guests and my parents and more so my in-laws I became scared of what they may think of me. So I patiently waited for Deji to make the move as I stood there like a lamb smiling at what I didn't find funny.
Then he came closer, and in an instant, if I wasn't mistaken, a nano second, placed a quick Peck on my lips and moved away immediately as if I was going to explode if he stayed any second longer.
At that moment, the roaring applause of the guests came flooding through my ear drums as the pastor announced us as husband and wife. Deji waved happily to the crowd as I stood there feeling like I had just been tortured.
My first kiss was horrible!
I tried to get over it as we swirled on the dancefloor for our first couple's dance, but try as I may, I just couldn't, so I tried making excuses for him.
He was shy and nervous, the crowd as well didn't help matters with their glares, all watching and taking pictures and others even videoing the action! I guess that was enough reason to get him anxious to pull that stunt that was an excuse for a kiss.
I calmed down after thinking it through, it was his first kiss after all, I should be an understanding wife. So I let it be and focused on my first dance as Mrs Kofo Deji Akinwunmi.
I laughed and danced away and even when I got tired, I couldn't stop as my mum kept eyeing me, making sure I stayed longer on the dancefloor to accumulate more "spray" money.
I consoled myself with the thought that this was after all a public display, the night was near when no one would disturb or spy on us and we would be free to do whatsoever we wanted.
I couldn't wait....
The guests kept on spraying us as we moved to the rhythm of the music. Then the music stopped and we were ushered to our sit. We performed the whole wedding paparazzi as we cut the cake and the MC made us play man and wife.
I was only too glad when the party came to an end. Deji gave his vote of thanks and afterwards we were ushered into our vehicle that conveyed us to our hotel which we had previously booked.
I breathed a sigh of relief as we walked into our room after checking in.
Finally, the moment had arrived!
I was very nervous as I quickly made up an excuse and leapt into the rest room. I took in air as I checked myself in the mirror, my make-up was still on point. I quickly changed into a comfortable outfit and made sure I looked BAM, ready for take off!
I slowly made my way out of the rest room, Deji must be impatient by now I thought, but as I got out, I was dazed.
Seated on the sofa were my in-laws and my aunt.
What! Who gave them the description to our hotel, I thought the party ended at the venue or were they also here to video us...??
I was thankful I had on my overall, else...
I quickly composed myself as I smiled and walked to where they were seated, kneeling down as I greeted them. They patted me on my back as they prayed for Deji and me.
If I thought this was a quick visit, I thought wrong. One hour and they were still seated jisting, by this time his parents had left but my aunt's husband and kids had arrived to join her.
"I left the food in the fridge for both of you in case you want Ogbono or Egusi, everything is there in the fridge" my aunty said.
"Haba aunty, you didn't have to, we can always order from the hotel"
"No o, which Kain order when there is food jeberete here, I brought cow leg and Egusi for Deji, me I know you're butty so I came with rice and chicken for you, If you want, I can come tomorrow... "
"Noooo o.. aunty, thank you. Don't stress yourself, we will be fine, Deji and I will manage."
I looked over at Deji hoping he would back me up but he was busy watching a football match between Gunners and The Red Devils with my aunt's husband and kids, and Deji was a staunch Arsenal fan.
Father lawd, which kind of family members did you give me... Can't they see that we're a newly wed couple and need our time alone??
To think Deji wasn't even perturbed made me feel not only tortured but tormented.
GOOOAL!!!
I was jolted from my sit as I heard the loud noise from my uncle, without even making a move I knew which team had conceded the goal. The look on Deji's face said it all. Why he persisted being a Gunner I wondered. I only hoped his club's defeat wouldn't spoil our night.
"Guess how much you got from the spraying?"
My thoughts were quickly ravaged by my Aunt..
"How much?" I asked in the most interested voice I could summon
"Five hundred and fifty thousand naira" she said slowly as if I was hard of hearing.
"Wow" I said and I meant it genuinely, "I wasn't expecting that much"
"See.., when your mum was telling you to dance well well you were doing sime-sime. Maybe you would have gotten more sef"
"Aunty, if I had danced any further, I would probably have needed a wheel chair to assist me."
"Anyways, your money is with me, when you are ready I will send it to your account for you."
"Thank you very much aunty, you are the best!" I said as I hugged her tight.
"Its nothing my dear, your mum wouldn't have allowed me drink water if I hadn't checked up on you."
"Really?? Mummy sent you??"
"Ehhh, don't let her know I told you so o.."
"Ehhh, I won't let her know if you and Uncle Toju go now"
"Aahhh, is that all, we are on our way then.." She said as she stood "Oya, its time O, let's start going."
She said aloud to the chagrin of her kids.
"Mummy please let's finish watching the match na" The kids begged their mum.
Huhhh.., e be like sey this children never chop koboko before, I thought to myself.
"Finish which match, common let's go, you don't want your aunty and uncle to enjoy their wedding night."
"Good night my dear." My uncle said as I and Deji escorted them outside.
"Good night Uncle"
"Thank you for the food aunty." Deji said
"Ah haba, its nothing. Please take care of my niece O"
"I will ma" Deji said as he pulled me towards him. My whole body felt like I was being electrocuted.
My nephews waved at us as they tagged after their parents.
Phew! Boy was I glad I could finally be alone with my husband. That word still sounded weird in my mouth but I loved it.
Deji hugged me by my waist as we strolled to our room, my body felt shivers all over.
Now this is what I am talking about!
Mtsheeew
Deji hissed as we got into our hotel room, the match ended in favor of the red devils. He gently removed his hand off me as he went towards the TV and switched it off.
Then he walked towards me, took me in his arms and whispered tenderly to me..
"I love you dear."
And there couldn't have been a more better way to define Paradise than right here being in the arms of the man I love, hearing him say those words to me.
"I love you too my love.." I replied feeling on cloud nine.
Then he swept me off my feet as I gasped in pure pleasure as he carried me towards the bed and placed me carefully on it.
And just like the movies, my fantasies were slowly becoming a reality. This could only be a dream!
"Get some rest dear." He said as he tucked me in bed. "I know you must be very tired as I am if not more"
Then he placed a kiss on my forehead.
And in that moment, my temperature dropped to zero degrees.
I felt like a big lump was stuck in my throat as I couldn't breath nor say a word.
"Uh uhh" I tried to object as he proceeded to the other side of the bed
"Don't worry babe, we have the rest of our lives together but right now, I need this sleep more than ever."
He placed a kiss this time on my lips as he pulled the duvet over us.
"Good night my love."
I couldn't even find the words to reply him, I just laid there weak.
This was supposed to be the best night of my life, my wedding night!
Then I heard the strangest sound ever I looked over at Deji
What?! He even snores????
This must be a nightmare!!!
© Dawota Bobmanuel.